Poly-Type Feels~

I wanna make my own planet.

And it will be cool and awesome and sex will be yay and good.

That sad moment when..

.. That super cute adorable dorky artistic awkward butch dyke who’s all excited and happy to see you..

.. Turns out to be a gay transman, with a boyfriend.

Siiigghh.

I’m happy for them, but just a bit sad for me. u u

A Response: Sometimes I really don’t get gay people…AND I’M GAY!!

idreamofkpopandponys:

 Like, if you don’t like men, why try and look like one??
If you don’t like men, why get a girlfriend that’s androgynous/complete butch as fuck!! 
and if you’re a butch, and you don’t like dick…why does it seem like you wish you had one??
If you don’t like men, why act like one??(there are serveral ways one can act like a boy)
If you’re a gay male, and you don’t like pussy, why do you look like a female drama squad..
If you’re a gay male and don’t like women, why go after a boy who want to be a girl??

I mean why become the things we claim we don’t like. You wouldn’t see me butchin it out. sagging my pants or wearing really loose fitting clothes*unless they didn’t fit for a reason* or a t-shirt. i always wear t-shirt, but i’m not like “oh I’m gay, or I’m dyke.” I can dress a little more feminine  but I dress casual, and unisex wise. pants, shorts, shirt, shoes. flip flops or tennis shoes but I’m not running down the street in a over sized plaid shirt and mens jeans.

 which is where this comes from “you say you like girls, why does your girl friend look like a man??”

im not saying theres anything wrong with it, it’s just..why??? 
do you want to be a boy?
do you want to be a girl? because there is a word for that. and its not gay or lesbian…
I’m not tryin to come off as offensive I’m really not. I’m just wondering. 

Hooo-boy, okay. I.. Don’t even know where to start. Let’s see..

First of all, let’s tackle sex and gender. Sex and gender. They are separate things. Our biological sex is the body that we were born with. Our gender is our psychological identity or perception of ourselves. Both are surprisingly fluid. Try your best to separate “masculine” and “feminine” traits from people’s bodies, and see them as different expressions of how people feel themselves to be. 

I can’t speak for gay men but from what I’ve seen, butch/dyke lesbians perceive themselves to be just as womanly as their femme counterparts. They are not “trying to be men.” They are expressing a deeply felt womanhood that manifests itself in denim and flannel, baggy jeans and baseball caps, leather shoes and tailored suits. Short cropped hair and boxers.. These things are transformed from “manly” things into something uniquely butch, a solid and undeniable mixture of “female masculinity” completely owned by a woman. They become genuine expressions of a person’s personality. A vision of her own sexiness.

And it is because of this uniqueness that I find it attractive and magnetic. There is something just so compelling about a woman staring at me from under her sharp-cut fringe, strong, experienced hands exploring my body (okay, I wish, but still).. I love men, but a butch woman is just something else entirely. 

It all comes down to these traits being an authentic expression of a person. So instead of seeing these people as “women trying to be men” or what have you, try to see them as someone who’s expressing themselves genuinely, and has their own style and interests. 

In my dreams I saw her.

My sharp, fierce soldier, with fire in her eyes. My companion in the stars, brash in her word and in her dress. In her arms I’m free and giddy, nothing can stop us. I run my fingers through her wild, dark hair and I’m assured that the world is right. I’m in love..

Then I wake up.

So I just had a dream..

I’m snuggling with L on the couch in some living room, with my sister, her boyfriend, a few other people and one particularly douchey tool. The Tool was setting up some kind of tactical military strategy game map on the floor, involving using dinosaur figurines.. He had this grandiose delusion that he and this unspecified girl would take over the world (this girl doesn’t even want to be with him, truth be told). No one really wanted to play the game, though eventually a few of them joined in.

I don’t know why, but at some point I get up off the couch and begin cuddling with Tool. I immediately feel bad about it, and like I’ve betrayed L by doing this. Tool has a somewhat smug and gratified attitude about it, and I can see Luke on the couch, looking lonely and glum. Eventually after I’ve had enough of this I slip away to the bathroom. Upon returning to the living room I see that everyone’s gone to bed. Sister and her boyfriend are in bed on a mattress on the floor. I look for L and see his arms sort of flailing out from in between my sister and her boyfriend. I help pull him out and snuggle up to him on the bed (yes, next to my sister and her boyfriend, go figure) and all is lovely and wonderful and right in the world. The end.

I think I like guys who look like fashionable vampires.

No fucks given.

I haven’t seen L in over two and a half months.

A deprived QBot is a needy QBot.

Take control of your fears.

Don’t let them rule you.

Gon’ get my meds no matter WHAT tomorrow.

I am just not fit for human consumption right now. I’ve kind of just been stewing in an unproductive, irrationally angry resentful mess. Meh. v_v

This week has just sucked.

• Still haven’t gotten my med refill like I was supposed to by MONDAY.
• My dog is okay, but that was scary and stressful. And expensive (if very worth it.)
• I had plans to visit my boyfriend in the city over, but my parents kind of shot that plan down. I’d have to drive their car, and they decided that they don’t want me visiting L until I have a job. And they forgot to tell me this. Until just before I wanted to leave. Guh. 

I’m going to see if they’d reconsider, since I do have an interview lined up and it looks promising, and they didn’t let me know like they should have. Not terribly hopeful, though. 

Bleh.

My dog’s sick.

Really sick.
He’s been throwing up blood all night. Dad took him to the vet and they think he’s been poisoned by something.. We’re not sure if he’s going to make it or not.

… I hope my dog doesn’t die.

Five days since I’ve been off my meds.

Do you ever feel like you’re just so hopelessly broken?
Like nothing’s ever going to fix you? And it just hurts?

Yeah, this sucks.

): 

The Boyfriend Manifesto

quixoticrobot: 

Damn it.

I want a boyfriend.
I want handholding in the park
I want ice cream at midnight as we dance in our pajamas.
I want tickle fights, and love bites and someone who can take my shit and give it right back.
I want to have great fights. 
I want someone added to my parent’s gift list, and opening presents with my family at midnight Christmas morning.
I want to shout each other’s names from the rooftops, and declare each other to the world.
Ah, hell.
I want motherfuckin’ Facebook official, and cheesy kissy pictures everywhere.
I want someone who can deal with my weird and crazy shit, and be weird and crazy with me.
I want someone who, y’know, just maybe, won’t leave me for someone else…
will celebrate our love for each other just as they celebrate our love for others.
I wanna talk about what it’ll be like to be old together and see the world with withered eyes.
I want someone to change the world with.
I want everything I ever wanted, and more.
And damn it..

I will have it. 

Ah, this list could use a re-haul, but a lot of it still rings true now, 9 months later.